Captain Rex Influence

I have to hand it to my daughter, she's definitely something else. Growing up, I was never into the whole princess scene especially as I got older. Amazingly, my daughter isn't either. She's more into boy things and doesn't want to be pretty. I've had somewhat of a problem accepting this because I think she is so beautiful. When she was little, I'd love dressing her up in these beautiful dresses and getting her hair all prettied up. Now she won't wear dresses and will only either have her hair down, or up in a ponytail. So today for Characters Day at school she wanted to be Captain Rex from the Clone Wars in Star Wars. Fine, I thought. As I was driving her off at school this morning, I saw all these pretty little girls in their faries and princess outfits and, yes I hate the princess scene - I would love to see her in one of those outfits...at least once.

Take The Easiest Road...

Sometimes I think that people take the easiest road, the road that doesn't require lifting a finger or going outside their realm of comfort. I knew for about a week that there were two American men and two Guatemalans who needed a place to stay for 4 days for Operation Club Foot. The two Americans were living in a monestary in Guatemala and the two Guatemalans consisted of a mother and a daughter with two club feet. They traveled 10 hours by bus to bring the mother and daughter here to Tegucigalpa.

On Friday, I seriously thought about housing them during this time. Totally thought about it, and damn it, the honest truth is that - and I hate to say this, and I cringe when I think about it - it was inconvenient for me and my family. Ugh, there I said it. I totally could have housed them. We have a huge basement downstairs, but I was thinking about all the things I have to do this week... the children's activities, working, this and that, and blah, blah, blah. Since I don't have a live-in housekeeper, I would have to physically be at home each and everytime they left the house or returned. And I just wasn't prepared for that responsibility. I've had Peace Corps volunteers stay at our house before, but that's usually one night.

Ok, so that's my confession. It doesn't make me feel better, especially since I actually met them today and they are sooooo nice! I could have totally kept them at our house, no problem, but no, I choice the easiest road. Instead they stayed at the hospital housing the first two nights, then stayed at a low-end motel last night and tonight. Ugh, I hate myself sometimes.

Visiting San Felipe - a little guilt...

I visited San Felipe for Operation Club Foot yesterday. I did something that I am not proud of. I thought I'd donate 200+ slinkies and three bags of clothes that my son doesn't fit anymore. But the question was, since there were so many parents there, who would I give the clothes to? Eventually, three moms gathered around me asking, in an almost demanding way, for some clothes for their daughters. I told them repeatedly that I only have boy clothes to give and they kept saying that they'd like clothes for their daughters and I got a little irritated and I raised my voice and said, "I only have boy clothes!" And they nodded their heads and kind of backed off. I gave them the clothes that I had, even though some were blue. I felt bad for raising my voice, but I just needed some space. And I felt like they weren't saying please or anything, which was probably why I was a little irritated. It's almost like they were expecting me to give them something, like I had to give them something. In the end though, they said the words that I was looking for - Gracias. That word always makes things a little better.

Twitter...

It's bad enough that I have an unmanageable addiction to Facebook, but still I signed up for Twitter. I'm not even close to being addicted to Twitter as I am to Facebook. In some ways, I find it annoying really. But this morning came a new low. What kind of world are we living in when I just twittered that I'm eating a bowl of Koala Crisp cereal? Scary.

American Idol Already?

Ok, so my good friends know that I'm totally in love with David Cook, in a "I totally respect him as an artist" way. And he's kinda hot, but not Brad Pitt or David Beckham hot, but omg-your-voice-is-so-unbelievable-hot (and I'm not even going to mention about his guitar skills). After last season he started dating a former American Idol contestant and I'm like whatever. Catty high school Portia came out and I was like, he can totally do better...(me. Ha, just kidding. Seriously. Just kidding). So today I found out that the two broke up. Well, I'm kinda indifferent to tell you the truth, but still - damn it, what was my point of this whole blog? Whatever. I drank several cups of highly caffeinated tea AGAIN and my thoughts are racing a million miles per second - totally going ADD here...

And wow, today starts the new American Idol season. I've always been a fan, but David Cook isn't on it this season nor will there be a David Cool replacement, so I'm not that interested. I'll probably still watch it.

Come Look At This - *end scene*

Every now and then there's a weird scene in a movie where a character gets approached by another character who doesn't really know that him/her very well. Then all of a sudden, that person starts revealing something that you would only tell your most trusted friend or relative. And you're thinking, "that doesn't happen in real life" and the whole movie is pretty much ruined. But today something like that happened.

There's a guy that works on my floor who I have always thought to be super nice. He's told me things about his family that I'm sure he hasn't told anyone before and I just smile and try not to offer any advice because I don't know him that well. Today, I stopped by his office for a work related question. We talked about that for a while. Then I asked, "How are you doing?" and he looks around and says, "Come here. You're my friend so I can show you this." I'm thinking...unrealistic movie scene! He takes something from his desk and asks me to read it. It is an official notice from his boss saying this and that about his past work conduct. There were some serious stuff in there and I'm like...hmm, I can't believe he's showing me this. I talked with him a bit and listened. I realized that people just need people to listen to them sometimes. So that's what I did.

So I went back to my office and I see 2 or 3 folders from women desperate to work as a nanny or housekeeper. Each folder has letters of recommendation and copies of their idenfication cards. I'm looking at these unemployed women's ID cards and I'm feeling super bad for them of course. Last summer my dad lost his job after almost 15 years with the same company. He's living off unemployment - for how long, I don't know. He rents a modest living space in Central California. He's doing ok, given the situation. At least he gives off that impression. But these women who are in their 40s and 50s can't be doing too well. I wonder to myself, "how are they living" without any money? It's not like they get unemployment. Are they just sitting there in their homes, waiting and praying that someone will call them so can feed their families? It just breaks my heart.

Speaking of which, we're getting closer and closer to our moving date back to the United States. Instead of being completely happy about this (well, don't get me wrong...I AM extemely happy), I'm feeling very sad about leaving our helpers, especially the older one who has been with us for almost 4 years and takes care of my son like he were her own (a fact that, to be honest, bothers me a little bit). I'm repeatedly asked by people, "why don't you take her to United States?" And I just can't give them a good reason why I don't want to. I guess it's mainly because I want to be a mom again. A full-time mom. Something I totally enjoyed raising my oldest daughter. Although she doesn't live with us, she knows my son too well. She knows when it's time for him eat, shower, play, sleep. Everything. And if she goes with us to the United States, I can't be the mom that I want to be. The mom who I was with Miadora. I'd be "that" mom. And I'm not entirely convinced that she would be completely happy living with us anyway. When she went with me in California last year for a month and a half, it was the first time that it was she was living with us. She cried a lot because she missed Honduras. I totally understand. I think I am making the right decision with this. I just dread that day when we have to say goodbye to her. I don't want to see her saying goodbye to my son. I know it's going to break her heart.

On the plus side, I am making sure that she will never have to clean a single house after we leave. Last year I gave her a brand new sewing machine and a month ago, I bought her 8 or 9 patterns so she can make clothing and sell that instead and get a business going. I have told her to find out more about sewing classes so she can perfect this art. I don't care how much it is or what the schedule is. I want her to take those classes. Also her daughter (a former part-time nanny of my daughter) bought a pulperia (a dream for many Hondurans!) and we are helping with that as much as possible. I want them to have businesses and other means of income, so that they don't end up like the women in the folders sitting on my desk. I know they will be fine and I will continue to keep in touch with them. We are even making arrangements so that she can visit us several times while we are living in the States.

More Organic Cookies

I'd have to say that as far as shopping goes, Tegucigalpa isn't too bad. I've always been really into organic and natural food products and when I moved here almost 4 years ago, I was worried that I would not be able to find too many of the products my family and I normally eat. But I have found that I am able to order a lot through the commissary shipment, online, and sometimes I'll even find them here in the city at places like Pricesmart, Mas Por Menos and Cafe Honore...at an inflated price. But usually when I come back to the United States, I'll bring a whole bunch of organic products back. Last time I was in California, back in the summer, I brought back several boxes of organic snacks and cookies for the children. I've noticed that I'm on my last box! And this particular product that my kids love is from Safeway's O Organics, and they do not ship online of course. I haven't done this in a while, but I guess I'll have to ask my mom to buy them and ship them to me. I normally avoid this because it gets pretty expensive with the shipping (even though my mom won't even think of accepting payment from me).

Now that I think about it, I wonder if I should just get Earth's Best instead? They have organic cookies that my kids love as well, plus other the cereal bars that have 25% iron in each one. Since Timmy isn't a huge meat eater, this helps a lot. More importantly, they ship APOs!

My Son Needs A Haircut

My son is 19 months old and he still hasn't had his haircut yet. I really think he needs one because his hair is down to below his shoulders and his bangs are starting to bother his eyes. But, I love his curls! I've read that when you but a baby's curls, it may not grow back curly. I have several reasons why I'm postponing his first haircut:

1) The curls issue (again, I love his curls)
2) What style would I do? A total buzz cut, or just a few inches off so he can at least keep some of his curls?
3) Where would I go? I don't know too many family salons here in Teguc. Yes, I know they exist, I just don't know where! And for his first haircut, I'd really like to take photos with my good camera, but here I'm not supposed to have cameras out for safety reasons. I'll still take photos, but be very vigilant about it.

Another example of Honduran life

Maria Luisa, our housekeeper of 3 and a half years, has had a brother in the hospital for about a week. Not sure exactly what it is, but it had something to do with his liver from decades of hard drinking she says. This morning she called me to tell me she wasn't coming in today because he passed away last night. He was at Hospital Escuela, which I have heard is slowly improving, but still lacking in every way possible. I was very sad for her and I wondered if he could have been saved if he was in a better hospital or had better workers? I will never know if this would have made a difference, but it probably would have helped somewhat. It's just another reminder of how tough life is for these people. I would actually consider Maria Luisa and her family low to middle class, not poor at all. So then imagine what it's like for those extremely improvished people? Is there no hope for them at all?

On the other hand, I get to spend time with my son. Of course I try to spend as much time with my children as possible, but when there is someone else in the house to watch your kids, it's so easy to just give the kids to them while you run errands. So this morning, I may not have written and answered all the emails, or gotten any online Christmas shopping done, but I did get to water the frontyard and backyard plants with him, watched Thomas the Train while explaining the difference between a diesel and a steam engine, and shared a bowl of eggs and rice with him. The emails can wait.

So This Is Christmas...

It's Sunday, the day after my toy drive, and I am officially exhausted. It's been extremely tiring and emotionally draining, but my 4th and last toy drive is but a distant memory.

I'll admit it, I cried. Twice. I didn't want to, but I just broke down. More on that later.

It started off on the wrong foot Saturday morning. After staying up until 10pm on Friday night packing about 95% of the toys, along with some very kind friends helping, I decided I was done. I glanced at the cookies and juice that people have been donating for the children and it didn't look like it would be enough for 450+ children. Crap, I'm not going anywhere tonight, I thought. So in the morning, I decided that I would go and buy more cookies and juice. I left about 7:40am and although I knew that people would start trickling in about 8am, I had no choice. Maureen, a Peace Corps volunteer who stayed over at our house Friday night, stayed and opened the doors for people. I didn't get back to my house until 8:30am+ and of course everyone was already at my house. We all ended up leaving for Ojojona and what would happen on our way there? We, as the lead car, missed our turn. Crap. This is Honduras - it's not always that easy to get back on the right track once you've missed an exit. I called one of the Embassy's drivers and asked him what the hell to do now. Thank goodness he was able to lead us back on the right track, literally.

We get there in Ojojona and it looks good so far. It's the same day as the start of the Fair in Ojojona, but there isn't too much of a crowd yet. Maribel, my main contact in Ojojona, is there waiting for me. She works in the municipality in Ojojona to better women's lives. She is a fighter and a hero of mine. Two Peace Corps volunteers are also there, along with the pick up truck I would rent for Lps. 600. Very cool. No waiting. We get down to walk around a bit and go to the bathroom, then we're off! All of the people with us, except for two, have never taken this trek with me before. It seems that whoever goes in the previous years don't return with me. Why would they? It's sacrificing their whole Saturday, driving 5mph on an unpaved, rocky, hilly road for two hours to see dirty, poor children and their parents. Who would be crazy enough to do that????

As we're driving, I think there is a lot of tension and fear among the two SUVs following us. This is their first year, and they didn't expect the roads to be this scary. Ten minutes before our destination, we stop to regroup. Santa and Pepe, the non-Spanish speaking elf, get dressed in the woods. There are two stories here. The first, the funny, haha-look-our-friends-are-getting-dressed-up-hey-lets-take-tons-of-blackmail-photos part.

Then there's the second story. The real reason I have been doing this for years. The children:

We arrive at the "school" (what school do you know have a few tables and chairs and no books?) and the children are waiting for us, and they have been since 9am. It is now 11:00am. They are quiet and cautious as I approach them with a smile and even mutter a few words of greeting. I ask my friend Luis to get the kids separated by gender, youngest at the front. Sadly, when you ask these children how old they are, they just look at you like it's the toughest question in the world. Sometimes their parents don't even know.

I ask for the keys to open the door to the school so we can set up the cookies and drinks inside. Of course, the keys are nowhere to be found. I ask for a table and a chair for Santa. Nada. Finally, someone is able to find a table and a chair for me in one of the houses near by. We set up the toys behind the table and chair. I'm noticing that there is nowhere near the 450 kids I was expecting. Nothing close to that. I'm relieved, yet saddened because I really wanted to get those kids some toys, especially on my last year. I ask and they say that one of the aldeas (villages) didn't show up because word probably didn't get around to them. I look at the bright side: it's easier to manage now.

Luis gets the kids excited, as much as unenergized, malnourished children can be, to see Santa. Finally Santa and Pepe, who have been waiting behind the hill the whole time, come down and greet the children. Many are smiling, and many more are a little confused, as is Santa himself I presume. Santa, who this year is played convincingly by one of the Marines, sits down and talks to the first child. She wants nothing to do with this and doesn't come forward. Santa, trying his best to make this work, entices her with a toy. It doesn't work. The mom comes by and tells the child it's ok. Finally she takes the toy, apprehensively. It's as if this is the first time in her life anyone has ever given her anything. And sadly, it probably was.

Things go a little smoother as the children go down the line. Then it hits me - this is my last year. I look at the children, and I don't see their beauty anymore. I see everything that is wrong with them. Their dirty faces, their tattered clothes, their shoeless feet, their lack of energy due to malnutrition, their ignorance from not being schooled. I look at their parents and I see they are no different from their children. It's as if I am seeing into their children's future, and it does not look good. I get mad. At the system. At the government. At the rich. At the way things are. It doesn't have to be this way. Why is it? Not being able to help myself, I repeat to myself, "No child should live like this!"

Then I turn away and cry. I'm giving them toys. Toys? They don't need toys, they need shoes and clothes, they need food, they need comfort, they need EDUCATION. They need a fucking future. I can't stop crying. Some haven't eaten in days and I'm giving them a fucking soccer ball. I go for a walk and try to calm myself down.

I often look at my own children and I see so much spunk and internal strength. They rule our house today, and will one day rule the world if they so choose. These children that I am looking at don't believe that. This is their now, and this is their future. Without hope, any sign of a future is gone. They just lack spirit because no one has ever told them that it's there. They just have to one day find it.

I vow that will try to do more work in the future. Even as I return to Washington D.C. next year, I will continue working for these children. It may not be giving away toys, but it'll be in some other way.

I speak with the aldea leader, a soft-spoken man. I ask his name, but no matter how many times I ask him to repeat it, I could not say it back. He tells me that he has a three-year-old girl with cerebal palsy and hands me a paper from the hospital with her information on it. He asks if he can bring home a toy to her as his eyes well up with tears. If I was sad and crying earlier, how must these people be feeling on a day-to-day basis?

After they receive their toys, they walk over to the other side and take their cookies and juice. We are getting close to the end of the lines and I'm somewhat satisfied. Not completely, of course. People who stand up for change do so because they are never satisfied.

We leave, and that's it. My 4th toy drive in Ojojona has come and gone. I don't feel like crying at this point. I feel somewhat indifferent.

Next comes my favorite part, handing out toys to children who live in the houses on our path back. We've always done this in the previous years, but this time, it was hardcore. We had more than enough toys left over so I was determined to give away as much as possible. Any child within a shouting radius was not safe from our toy purging. At first, it was slow and infrequent. I had to keep getting out of the truck to find a toy in the back. Then after several stops, it occured to me that it was better to take a few toys with me to my seat. Then from there, it evolved into bringing in bags and bags of toys with me.

We'd stop and my helpers would give them cookies and candycanes and I'd give them the bags of toys. After a while, more bags from one of the SUVs following behind were delivered to the pickup truck in front of us. In that pick-up truck was Maribel, a Marine, an English teacher and two Honduran college students (with whom I was very pleased to see helping their fellow Honduras - Hondurans helping Hondurans - what a concept). They probably couldn't have been more different, but yet here they were, waving and shouting for the kids to come out of their houses and get their toys! And boy did the kids come, one, two, three, four, five at a time, running, jumping, falling over - just for a toy. They were extremely thankful. You can see it in their eyes.

Suddenly, it occured to me. I may not be able to change their lives, or their way of life, like I wanted to back there at the school, crying and cursing this country. It may happen one day, if Honduras gets better leaders, leaders who know what it's like to be poor and humble and who fight for their own people the way Maribel and that man with the unpronouncable name do, and when they instill in their children a goal of getting a better education, so that they may not end up like themselves.

But for today, for these last several hours anyway, I've given them something to smile about. They now have a teddy bear to hug during those lonely nights, a puzzle to stimulate their minds, coloring books to help their creativity. In their faces, I saw confusion at first at the idea of a complete stranger handing them a bag of toys, then elation. You care about us?, their eyes seemed to question. Then smiles and lo and behold, a sparkle in their eyes! The same sparkle that exists in my children's eyes! They are no different from my kids, except for the fact that they were born into his life. If only these kids believed they could rule the world as well.

The Day Before The Toy Drive

It's crunch time. Less than 24 hours before I leave my house for Ojojona and do my very last toy drive there. Sad? Yes! Relieved? Yeah, kinda. And I feel guilty for saying that. I will still continue working for the Hondurans even when I'm in D.C. (I hope).

I have to include this blog from Michael Miller, from the very generous Micah Project, here in Tegucigalpa. When I read it here at work, I was having a very hard time not breaking down in tears. It really is heartbreaking, yet inspiring. It makes me wonder just how things can rapidly change here in Honduras if there were more Michaels around.

Here's his post:

As I write this, I have a little street boy named Hector looking over my shoulder. He can’t read or write, and when I asked him for his birthday, he didn’t know. He thinks that he is thirteen, although to look at him, you’d think that he is eight or nine. He just had breakfast with the other Micah boys, and came in to ask me something before our devotional time in a few minutes.“Michael, can I stay here forever?”Honestly, I wasn’t too surprised by the question, since he asked me the same question last night before bed. Even so, the question stopped me in my tracks.

One answer, yes or no, could determine the future course of this young life. So…what do I say?We have gotten to know Hector well through our street ministry over the last year. He occasionally lives with his dad, who sells fruit out of a wheelbarrow in the market area of Tegucigalpa, but most of the time, his addiction to yellow glue keeps him on the streets.As we have gotten to know Hector, both on the streets and through the Saturday outings that he occasionally joins us on, we have found a sweet kid with a pleasant personality. Even so, whenever we have talked to him about joining the Micah Project, he can never see clearly enough through the fog of his addiction to accept our offer. .

Lately, though, his defenses have been lowering little by little as he has come to trust us more. Last night, a “cold front” came through Honduras, with temperatures in the 50s (okay, I know that’s nothing to cry about, but for Hondurans, it’s considered a deep freeze!). Hector came up to the Micah House looking for food in an old battered coat that was about three times his size. After feeding him, we decided to let him sleep in the house so that he wouldn’t have to spend a cold night on the streets.

So put yourself in my shoes. The kid spent a peaceful night of sleep in the Micah House. Now, he has his arm around you, shivering from the cold air, asking if you will take him in. You know that if you say no, or not right now, or we will talk about it as a staff and get back to you, you are sending him back to the streets, and closing this window of opportunity that the cold air has shaken open.
So…Can Hector stay with us forever? My answer is: I sure hope so!

Now we are praying that one cold night might be the turning point in Hector’s life. The glue addiction is strong; both Wilmer and little Marvin, who joined us in June of 2007, are still struggling to overcome theirs. To truly overcome the addiction to glue and to street life in general, the following things are indispensable: personal determination, a unified group of people at Micah that are willing to help every step of the way, and a constant sense that there is something better waiting for them in the future. And…of course…lots and lots of people praying.

We’ll let you know how it goes!I also wanted to update you on the flooding here in Honduras as well. I was just up at the public school two blocks from the Micah House. There are almost forty families in the school that have either lost their homes or have been forcibly evacuated from them because of fear of landslides.

Though the rain has pretty much stopped, at least in Tegucigalpa, the ground is incredibly saturated, and anyone who lives in wooden shacks clinging to hillsides, which is a common site in Tegucigalpa, is at risk of a landslide.We continue to help out the families in the shelter when we can. We have provided dinner at the shelter and continue to provide supplies when they run out. I have talked to several of the families in the shelter, and they are not sure how long they will be there or if they will be allowed to return to their homes once things dry out. Additionally, we have helped two families rent small rooms in order to get them out of dangerous situations. One of the families is Maycol’s mom, whose shack is beginning to tilt dangerously downhill. A few of our guys helped her and her family move to safer ground yesterday. We will see what happens to these families once this time of crisis passes.This week is the tenth anniversary of Hurricane Mitch’s destructive passage through Honduras. The BBC has written a good report on Honduras ten years after Mitch. You can link to it here: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/7682412.stm .I appreciate your prayers for Hector and for the victims of the recent flooding!Muchas gracias,Michael MillerThe Micah Project ( http://www.micahcentral.org/ )

Thursday Before The Toy Drive

It's really coming together...kind of. I had a bunch of people over for a "coffee" type thing that they do every other Thursday. Instead of the typical coffee, I put the people to work helping with seperating and packing toys! I think they enjoyed it, I hope it. It was a little different from the typical frou frou Coffees and it was actually very helpful to me. I don't drink coffee so I didn't actually have any coffee. I did have tea, however. It was so refreshing to see these people coming to the Coffee with my bags of toys in their hands. A Coffee with a purpose! But without coffee.

I haven't counted all the toys yet, but it looks like we're going to be pretty short. That's going to suck big if I ran out. Each year, I always think I will run out of toys, but it always works out. This year I think it will work out as well.

I'm still working out the transportation issue. Right now we have three vehicles and I'm not sure that everyone and every box will fit. Once we get to Ojojona, we will need to pick up 4 more people. I may need to rent a pick up truck for Lps. 600 in Ojojona, just in case. That may be the way to go. Last year, we definitely had a lot more people coming with me. This year, a lot of those people either left Honduras or don't want to do it again. That's fine. That's really their choice.

I had to do my Girl Scout demonstation in about 2 hours. That should be pretty interesting.

Our Non-Traditional Thanksgiving Menu

We had a great Thanksgiving this year. Our plans unexpectedly changed at the very last minute, something I was not too happy about. So when faced with what to do for Thanksgiving, I thought we'd either have a nice, quiet meal as a family, or have a HUGE dinner at our house. I decided on the latter, because it was to be our last Thanksgiving here in Honduras. I invited a lot of international people, because they don't really celebrate Thanksgiving, so I thought it would be a great way to share a little tradition. Of course, we are far from traditional. I don't ever cook a turkey - they are extremely smart creatures. And the other dishes are pretty boring to me. The only real traditional dish is my husband's stuffing, which is great. And the cranberry sauce. Instead I made several ethnic dishes, including Chicken Adobo!!!

One of guests had a guitar so after dinner he played it, and some of the guests sang. The children played. It was really, really wonderful. I don't usually drink, but I had a few glasses of Italian white wine.

Our Menu:

Salmon with Dill Butter Sauce






Herb Encrusted Pork Loin
I don't cook meats other than chicken or seafood in my house, but I figured the guests will love it, and they did





Chicken and Zuchini with Cilantro Coconut Sauce
I got this recipe from a British podcast I downloaded from iTunes called "10 Minutes to Table." It really was easy. Just add handfuls of cilantro in coconut milk, and with a stick blender, mix it up and add to the already sauteeing chicken and zuchini.

French Rosemary Chicken

Smoke Salmon, Capers, Cream Cheese and Onions

Soy Balm Making!

Well, after almost 4 years in hiatus, I made 6 tins of Soy Balm, to prepare myself for the Girl Scouts demonstration. I have been dreading this whole thing ever since I found out about it, and yes, I know, I didn't have a gun to my head, but I really, really, really didn't want to revisit that part of my life. But yesterday, I opened up more boxes full of my crap, and I found some more soap supplies I thought I had lost. I felt a little better about my demonstration. So today, after hours of stalling, I packed up my unrefined shea butter, sweet almond oil, extra virgin olive oil, soy wax, and my lavender essential oil and I went to the kitchen and went to work. Holy crap, I actually enjoyed it! I remembered now how much I loved and miss having my business. Perhaps when I return to the States, I can continue my business.

This Crazy Week

I'm seriously freaking out here. Yes, I've tried meditating again, and repeating mantras, but damn it, I am freaking out!!!! This toy drive is becoming to be such a hassle...I hate to say. But I know once the day starts and I see those smiling faces, everything will be ok, and I'll be happy that I did it, because who else would have? It's just a ton of planning! A TON! I still don't know who is going to be Santa and the elf, and I am not sure I have enough toys to help out 450+ kids.

To top it off, I've signed on to do a soap making demonstration for the Girl Scouts. I still can't find all my stuff. I can't find the labels and the molds and I think a few boxes are still in the storage room. I really hate revisiting the whole bath products making thing. 3 1/2 years ago, I had to say goodbye to it because we moved to Honduras, just when it was starting to do well. Yes, I've missed, but at the same time, I was relieved! It's hard work having a business. Absolutely hard work. And even when I wasn't physically making the products, I would sleep, eat and drink the business. It never left my mind. So as I said, I was a little relieved I wasn't doing the business anymore. Now because I have to do this demonstation, I've to open up these boxes...boxes I haven't seen in almost 4 years. Today, I opened up more boxes and looked through my stuff. Omg, I started missing having a business! Maybe I'll start again when I return to D.C. Who knows?

And this whole week, my husband will be gone AND I have to work. That totally sucks. But after Saturday night, I'm going to be so happy this week will be over with. I'll need to celebrate or something! Then a week after that, we're going to Orlando! Woohoo!

Need To Get Going On My 4th Toy Drive...

Lately I've been in this horrible funk during my last months here in Honduras. I feel overwhelmed and sad at the thought of leaving. Yes, Honduras has its problems, and not the problems that other Americans worry about...but real problems...that everyday Honduran people have to deal with - poverty, lack of education, corruption, hopelessness. These are real issues that I worry about, and for some reason, I think that I can help with.

Well, I'm going on my last 9 months here and I just don't think I have the drive to do another project. Then the guilt sets in. In my first two years here, before I started working, I was so driven to help in everything. And in the process, I started this little toy drive in Ojojona, among other things. This year will be my 4th and last toy drive and I'm expecting to give toys to close than 500 children! But you know...honestly...I'm lacking that motivation! I really don't know why. I know I have to do this because no one will, and I know that hundreds of children are counting on me. I suppose it's the planning part I don't really want to do. I'm just tired and exhausted, for whatever reason.

So this morning, I was watching the news in the morning, something I rarely get to do with kids. And there comes in this story about this young man who used to be a nightclub promoter but decided to do something more worthwhile in his life. In 1996, he established an NGO called Charity: Water. Since then he's given clean water to hundreds of villages all over the country. He is someone whom I strived to be 4 years ago apon arriving here in Honduras. Hopefully a story like this will give me the drive I need to get my butt back in gear.

Our Trip To La Ceiba

Pictures from Cuero y SaladoA Baby Croc

View from the Boat

Firefly

Politics - the unread letter and the adoption

I've always been a nerdy nerd, which is why I have found politics to be incredibly exciting. Now with the elections this year, I've gone from nerdy nerd to super duper nerdy nerd. Anyone who knows who I am knows who I am going to vote for this year. It's really a no-brainer. Nothing wrong with McCain, I actually think he's more moderate than a lot of the hardcore Republicans out there, so that's somewhat cool. But I feel that Obama is definitely the one for me.

I remember his unbelievable speech 4 years ago, during the Democratic conventions. At the time, he was a State Senator running for U.S. Senator, but his speech....Man, I couldn't believe it. I felt like I had just witnessed something amazing - a true turning point in history. Who was this man, I thought? The next day, I wanted to sit down and write the man a letter asking him to run for president one day. I also wanted to warn him to not become too immersed in the political scene that he forgets about the reason he was running in the first place - us, the people. But for whatever reason, I just got lazy and didn't write it. Now 4 years later, here he is running for president and I couldn't be happier. It's just such an exciting time in politics right now.

Now for McCain. I have oodles of respect for the guy. I've had it since he ran against Bush before the first election. Recently, I decided to google his family and lo and behold I see a little girl who didn't look like the rest of the family. I did further research and I found out that she was adopted from Bangladesh at a Mother Teresa orphanage. I hadn't heard about this until now. In my eyes, that puts him in a different light. Adoption to me is quite possibly the most selfless act a person can ever do. Period. To look at a child's eyes, perhaps at the time a complete stranger, and call him/her your baby...nurture, care and love, as if this child were your own is completely amazing and inspiring. And the future that the child will have...it's just wonderful. I have 101% respect for people who adopt.

Each day, I am saddened by the children on the street. They ask me for food or money. It's hard for me to look them in the eyes sometimes. Looking at them in the eyes personifies them and makes them into real people, hence making it harder to drive away from them. It makes me angry that this type of life still exists in a country where the richest of the rich are living in 10,000 square feet homes and driving Lexus SUVs. If only someone can take care of these children...perhaps adopt them...then that would make a world of difference. I see the children, then I see what they CAN be, and it makes it harder to accept such a thing.

So kudos to McCain for doing the adoption route. Still, I'm for Obama.

Back to Blogging

Ok, here I go again, blog writing. I stopped writing for months because, well, it's a long story. Let's just say something horribly unspeakable happened a few months ago...something that I thought would never end well. But you know what? Two months later, things have actually gotten better. I can't believe it.

My mom miraculously made a recovery and is back to her usual self, if not better. I cannot believe it. Part of me doesn't want to write about it too much because I don't want to "jinx" her recovery, but it's been unbelievable. This isn't a fluke. I think her recovery is real. That's not to say that I'm not scared to bits of a relapse. But I'm anxious to put this nightmare behind me.

I plan to visit California again. When I visited in April and May, her illness was just starting. Then when I visited in July and August, it was at the absolute height of her illness, including staying at two hospitals for almost a month. I wouldn't call those good visits at all. I'd like to visit again now that she is better. I'd like that a lot. She's asked me to visit because when the kids and I were there the last couple of times, she wasn't herself. Now she misses the children and wants to see and play with them...and just be a grandma. Period. She talks to Miadora on the phone like normal. Miadora is not scared of her voice anymore. In fact, she says that "grandma's back!" I'm hoping that she's back for good!

Swimming Classes at the YMCA

To keep Miadora from going ape crazy, I signed her for swimming classes and she absolutely loves it! It started on Monday and she's so excited to go everyday. I don't know if it's because she made new friends at the class. Like would she have taken the class seriously if she didn't have her news friends there? It's interesting because Miadora has never really made friends here in the United States because we moved to Honduras when she was 18-months. It's a silly question but is making friends the same here as in Honduras? Normally there, if two kids hit it off, then we parents arrange playdates.

I was shopping for a swimsuit last week at the 6yrs girls and up section, even though she is only 4 (I couldn't find her section!) and my goodness, they were so inappropriate! Call me old-fashioned - and I'm actually not - but all I saw were all these two piece suits and all the one-pieces had big gaping holes in the back and the sides. Finally I saw the right section for her age.