Come Look At This - *end scene*

Every now and then there's a weird scene in a movie where a character gets approached by another character who doesn't really know that him/her very well. Then all of a sudden, that person starts revealing something that you would only tell your most trusted friend or relative. And you're thinking, "that doesn't happen in real life" and the whole movie is pretty much ruined. But today something like that happened.

There's a guy that works on my floor who I have always thought to be super nice. He's told me things about his family that I'm sure he hasn't told anyone before and I just smile and try not to offer any advice because I don't know him that well. Today, I stopped by his office for a work related question. We talked about that for a while. Then I asked, "How are you doing?" and he looks around and says, "Come here. You're my friend so I can show you this." I'm thinking...unrealistic movie scene! He takes something from his desk and asks me to read it. It is an official notice from his boss saying this and that about his past work conduct. There were some serious stuff in there and I'm like...hmm, I can't believe he's showing me this. I talked with him a bit and listened. I realized that people just need people to listen to them sometimes. So that's what I did.

So I went back to my office and I see 2 or 3 folders from women desperate to work as a nanny or housekeeper. Each folder has letters of recommendation and copies of their idenfication cards. I'm looking at these unemployed women's ID cards and I'm feeling super bad for them of course. Last summer my dad lost his job after almost 15 years with the same company. He's living off unemployment - for how long, I don't know. He rents a modest living space in Central California. He's doing ok, given the situation. At least he gives off that impression. But these women who are in their 40s and 50s can't be doing too well. I wonder to myself, "how are they living" without any money? It's not like they get unemployment. Are they just sitting there in their homes, waiting and praying that someone will call them so can feed their families? It just breaks my heart.

Speaking of which, we're getting closer and closer to our moving date back to the United States. Instead of being completely happy about this (well, don't get me wrong...I AM extemely happy), I'm feeling very sad about leaving our helpers, especially the older one who has been with us for almost 4 years and takes care of my son like he were her own (a fact that, to be honest, bothers me a little bit). I'm repeatedly asked by people, "why don't you take her to United States?" And I just can't give them a good reason why I don't want to. I guess it's mainly because I want to be a mom again. A full-time mom. Something I totally enjoyed raising my oldest daughter. Although she doesn't live with us, she knows my son too well. She knows when it's time for him eat, shower, play, sleep. Everything. And if she goes with us to the United States, I can't be the mom that I want to be. The mom who I was with Miadora. I'd be "that" mom. And I'm not entirely convinced that she would be completely happy living with us anyway. When she went with me in California last year for a month and a half, it was the first time that it was she was living with us. She cried a lot because she missed Honduras. I totally understand. I think I am making the right decision with this. I just dread that day when we have to say goodbye to her. I don't want to see her saying goodbye to my son. I know it's going to break her heart.

On the plus side, I am making sure that she will never have to clean a single house after we leave. Last year I gave her a brand new sewing machine and a month ago, I bought her 8 or 9 patterns so she can make clothing and sell that instead and get a business going. I have told her to find out more about sewing classes so she can perfect this art. I don't care how much it is or what the schedule is. I want her to take those classes. Also her daughter (a former part-time nanny of my daughter) bought a pulperia (a dream for many Hondurans!) and we are helping with that as much as possible. I want them to have businesses and other means of income, so that they don't end up like the women in the folders sitting on my desk. I know they will be fine and I will continue to keep in touch with them. We are even making arrangements so that she can visit us several times while we are living in the States.