After all these diagnostic tests, we not even close to anything resembling a diagnostic. I am completely saddened by this situation. Our only hope is to submit her to Stanford Hospital until they find out what is wrong with her. Obviously, what is going on with her is completely rare. I am hoping Stanford will find something that her doctors here have missed.
I'm still having a hard time dealing with my mom's condition...or lack of a condition I should say. To this day, I act like I'm fine, but I know I'm not. It seems like the more I get back into the swing of things here in Honduras, and the more I do things and enjoy my life, the sadder I get. I always think of my mom and I wonder why this is happening to her. Part of me feels it's not fair that she's in this horrible state, and I'm continuing to live my life. I feel a sense of guilt about it. I want her to enjoy life too, the way she did before she gets sick.
Right now, I'm sort of planning my trip back to the California in the summer, and my God I hate to admit this, but I would be fine if I didn't have to go. Before I couldn't wait until it was California vacation time! Now, I'm like thinking of things to come, and I worry. What if she's not ok before we visit? What if she's worse? I used to look forward to coming home to California, mainly because it was a chance to see my mom again, to talk with her, to laugh, to joke, to just BE with her. Now, I'm worried that it won't be like that at all. Like it will be like my last visit to California, maybe worse. That, like my last visit, I am powerless to help her.
I am just getting sick of people asking about my mom. I know it's not their fault and maybe they do care, but I just can't explain everything. So after a while, I just say, "yeah she's better," and I know it's a complete lie.
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